Me

What makes me, me? It gets difficult to stop people from asking me the reasons for my actions, my future plans, their reasons, justifications and then judgements, my assumptions on them judging me on the assumption that they do judge, and so on so forth.

The important fact of the matter is, it does not stop me from making my decisions. But I would like people to know exactly why and how I came to making it in the first place.

Foremost, I like to do and try new things with age never being a constraint. Well age in the West does not stop people from being themselves but from India where I happen to have lived almost most of my life it does matter. There is a basic expectation that everyone carries as what happens when in life in the fixed chronological order and one cannot beat it. Only a few take the off beaten path.

So coming back, I like to do new things and I will do it. Do not stop me nor discourage, neither do I request assent nor do I wish dissent. No I am not sure, I want to go for a free fall and I want to do it again and again. Don't worry, I will ensure a few basics in my journey, a few rules, my experience will be new, environment will be refreshing, i will have companionship to fall back to, I will not go broke, I will ensure dignity of self and people I am  connected to, I'll have a good time, I'll still have my boundaries defined so the free fall may only be in terms of falling back monetarily, in social standing with peers from past.

But the truth is, my experience makes me, it will always be unique, it will be extraordinary, I will have a story, I will be richer in terms of life lived and I agree these actions do have their difficulties, I will have forgone my responsibilities especially to my beloved parents who have always trusted my, have had faith in my actions, have never expected anything from me other than my betterment and good life and some savings for future.

I will regret not having been there with them almost all my life, not having lived together, first away for schooling, higher education, then work, business kinda work that I am currently in that took me to a different country altogether. Never been so far from them and now my plans seem to be taking me further away from them, if they materialise soon enough.
Yes this is my greatest regret, my parents age by the day, and I can't seem to spend time with them and thats all I've always wished for, their company, their better health and their happiness.

Yes, maybe I'm living the life they didn't have, not because they couldn't but because they had us kids to sacrifice their lives and love to.

I have company in my life partner, who has been kind enough to stick through thick and thin, through highs and lows, well mostly I've been able to keep her happy, especially because she has accepted what came as treat and wage, as luxury and comfort and the rest of that. I thank her and thank my dear God who has provided me company for it would be lonely doing it all alone... Ali the stuff that I do and the stuff that is to follow.

Well this is me and I have just started.